I don't have it all together. And that's kind of the point.

I've been thinking about coming back to this blog for awhile. Over time, it faded into the background as life got busier and I lost a little bit of understanding of what I was doing on this little journey of mine. But recently, this blog has been popping up on Facebook and been more and more on my mind. So here I am. Let me fill you in.

For a lot of you, this will be old news, yesterdays paper, something to skim over. But for some of you it will be a teleporter - a way to jump from 2014 to 2016. It's crazy to think its been two years since I stopped writing this, and I'm sure there are so many stories that you all have to share. I certainly do.

Over the last two years I have:

• got a dog (I promise to introduce her properly later)
• finished a dissertation
• quit my job, and left law altogether
• done the equivalent of pre-med for chiropractic college
• got engaged!
• got very concussed getting into a car (long story)
• taken an indefinite pause on chiropractic college
• quit another job
• got married!!!!!; and
• rejoined the legal profession.

As you can see, it's been one rollercoaster and a number of roundabout turns as I tried to navigate my life and work out what the heck I'm doing here. See the thing is, I've always been super driven. And always lived with the idea that I want my life to mean something, that I'm going to make a difference, that I want to live a life full of passion and game changing moments..... and for some reason, that thought became absolutely paralysing. Terrifying and disheartening. And in a way that's still something I'm working through.

I left high school with the intention of going to law school and becoming a criminal lawyer and rights activist - think Elle Woods from Legally Blonde.... only better. And brunette. It was going to be amazing.

But reality had other plans. My student debt grew at a disgustingly fast rate. Law school was gruelling, student flats (and budget) sucked, I got very sick, had a whole lot of crap happen and suddenly life resembled more of a twisted Joker (from Batman) circus. But, I finished law school with one dissertation to do, and I took a wee break. I moved to Auckland, did my professionals, got an in-house corporate job that I hated and then did my dissertation and planned my exit route. Why? Well, corporate law is not my cup of tea. Never has been and in all honesty, probably won't be... although I've learned a valuable lesson about never ruling anything out. I was burned out, I was tired and I was OVER not feeling like anything I did in law made any sort of difference. I forgot to look up and realise that actually being an advocate is very powerful, it is lifechanging, and it can be the biggest gamechanger there is. Maybe I was in the wrong type of law to realise that, maybe I was just so tired of fighting life that fighting to work in an emotionally charged and exhausting area was the last thing I wanted to do, maybe I was just over every ounce of drama... regardless, I checked out. And I went out and found the next thing that felt like an avenue I could change the world.

So I started the journey to becoming a chiropractor. For those of you who don't know me, I am a massive chiropractor fan. I'll write another post on that another day so that I can give it the respect and time that it deserves, but a long story short - it has saved my life. And is a place where miracles can happen every single day. If you're not under care, do it. But I regress. I was studying again. The one eency weency problem is... I was over studying. And in all honesty, science is not something that floats my boat too much. I do it, I can even enjoy it a little bit, but I've never really been full blown passionate about it. Combine that with the fact that it would be 5 years of study, and I started doubting that course of action faster than you can say roadblock. In the midst of the doubt and feeling like a small boat in a large, stormy sea, I hit my head pretty bad. Was on my back for almost a month, don't remember a lot of it, but I lost my ability to communicate clearly over that time and it was one of the most frustrating and debilitating 4 months coming back. Nothing like an enforced time of rest to get you thinking again... and watching movies... and thinking back to law school and how I really didn't give it much of a chance...

And so I got a job. It's not the best of jobs. It's challenging, that's for sure. And it's not quite where I want to be. But it's a step in the right direction and I'm actively looking for something that fits slightly better. But its fired up a place in my soul for the underdog, for problem solving, and for those square pegs in the round holes, those legal issues that don't fit quite so nicely into the framework designed for them. And I guess, if anything, that's a great place to start. I'm not sure if I'll end back up in Chiro, I'm not sure if I'm truly cut out for this law thing, I'm not even sure I can get my work/life balance to a place that I like it. In all seriousness, I'm not sure if I really know anything about my life direction at all. But I do know this... procrastination is fear (Elizabeth Gilbert coined it first, but I'm endorsing the idea). And I, more than anyone have lived my life from a place of procrastination and fear far too long. So I'm making some steps.

It hasn't all been doom and gloom, by any means. I have the most amazing and supportive husband by my side who seriously lights up my life and grounds me in so many ways. I've had some amazing adventures and have a wonderful family and friends, and my furbabies are the bees knees... I love them. But I wanted to be honest about where I've been. That I have been fearstricken and confused and muddly in my head. That I've gone round and round in circles and placed too much emphasis on my career than perhaps I should have. But I guess the thing is... your life direction is important. What you do each day matters. So I wanted to start there. To explain that before I go anywhere else. Pretty much to admit.. I'm a massive work in progress. And I guess I got stuck writing the blog because I got stuck in this mindset that to write it, I needed to have it all together. Well, newsflash.... I don't. I really really don't. And you know what? That's kind of the point.

I guess I lost sight of the fact that the blog was an outlet for me, a way to connect with you all, and way to express and document all the thoughts I have buzzing around inside of me. And nowhere in those sentences requires a qualification in life expertise, or having it all together. So if you want to muddle along with me and jump in some puddles, I promise to try and update this blog a little more regularly. I've jumped in the deep end with this one to get you all back on the same page... but I've got a lot to show you... Athena, our wedding, my little home projects.... the cool and amazing things that have been going on. It's been a pretty amazing couple of years. Let's start some splashing, shall we?

Well well well, it has been awhile

Hello.

Somehow it is now May.

I say somehow because I'm not entirely sure how we got through 1/3 of the year already. In fact, last time I checked it was about February. Still. But nevertheless, here we are and it has been a long long time since an update.

What has happened since then, you may ask...

Well:

• I completed profs. This means I finished 13 weeks of practical "how to be a lawyer" training. I had very few weekends without assignments, and very few weeks with breathing room. But I got there, and made it through the other side. Though I'm not entirely sure what the otherside looks like yet.
• My kittens have grown. They now look like cats. Funny wee thing that, the fact that kittens become cats, but y'know, I'm not ready for them to be all big and grown up. Where did all the time go?!
• I have gone to three weddings. Three. They were all gorgeous in their own way and they all reminded me of how important family, friends and your other half is. 
• Speaking of other halves, he broke his finger. Big time. Like through the knuckle joint so it collapsed and twisted and generally looked like someone forgot to attach a bone to his finger. Wasn't the best of times. But it's healing so fast it's like he has a superpower.
• I have signed up for a marathon. I'm running to raise money for the Cancer Society. I am also currently coming out of an injury with a foot that cannot run, so it's an interesting tension.
• I got a job. So I now take a ferry twice a day. And work in an office. And generally wonder what it is that I'm doing with my life. And so,
• I dream. We are planning a trip to South East Asia budget allowing which is INCREDIBLY exciting and slightly nerve-wracking at the same time.
• There have been birthdays and celebrations and get togethers and catch ups that make you realise that you have a lot of cool people around you. And makes you miss the ones that aren't there. 

So, there's not really any excuse for an update, except.. I wasn't sure what to write. I didn't really have anything profound to say. Or interesting for that matter. It made me worried. It was like I was just cruising along with life, enjoying it, rising to the little challenges but in general, it was like nothing major was happening. Now for me, that's a bit odd. Normally life just operates at this high speed, chaotic spin of medical dramas and issues that make some tv shows look slow. But recently, it's just been so.... mild.

See to begin with, I had a problem with that. It wasn't that I WANTED the drama, but it was more I felt a little lost without it. Confused about why life felt so.. chilled. Flat, almost. It was and is still very very busy, but there wasn't multiple major things to handle all at the same time, so it's more of a manageable full then insanely busy. And then I realised, um, actually, that's a really good thing. Most of life actually doesn't operate in the profound or in the chaotic. It's in the moments when you're looking out of a ferry window wondering what you want to see in this life and do in this life that is the moments worth having. It's those moments on a lazy sunday when you're actually valuing the importance of a day of rest and you end up sitting in the sun playing board games or chatting about life or watching kittens wrestle while you have a cup of tea or just chilling listening to birds or the hum of "Put Your Records On" in the background that is what life is really all about. It's amazing really.

There are times to work hard and there's times to relax. But even during the week taking the moment to unplug my music and listen to the waves hit the beach can make such a difference. I'd rather take a moment to stop and feel the gentle quiet then push forward in chaos and come out the otherside with another battle scar.

Maybe I'm changing, maybe I'm growing up, maybe I truly am "coming through the otherside" of a bunch of chaos, but one thing I do know is this life, even in its mundane, is truly and amazingly beautiful and perfect.

What you already have

I believe in seasons.

I believe in Ecclesiastes 3: that

"There is a time for everything,
    and a season for every activity under the heavens:

²     a time to be born and a time to die,

    a time to plant and a time to uproot,

³     a time to kill and a time to heal,

    a time to tear down and a time to build,

⁴     a time to weep and a time to laugh,

    a time to mourn and a time to dance,

⁵     a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

 
    a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,

⁶     a time to search and a time to give up,

    a time to keep and a time to throw away,

⁷     a time to tear and a time to mend,

    a time to be silent and a time to speak,

⁸     a time to love and a time to hate,

    a time for war and a time for peace."

And I truly believe that each of us navigate those seasons. Multiple times over. 
And that we should meet each other in our seasons. Support each other through them.
Be grateful for the support we receive in each of them. Whether it's someone to laugh with, cry with, dance with, sit in silence with, grow with, chill with -- those people are so important to remember, to cherish and to be thankful for. 

Take the time to read back over that verse again. Read every season, every line. That's what life looks like in entirety. Underneath it lies the love, the gratitude and blessing that this life actually is.

I also believe that everything is beautiful in its time (Ecc 3:9).

But today I have a challenge. What if your time is now?

What if you are here for a reason?

What if you have an important part to play?

Regardless of what season we are in, we have an obligation not to waste it.

Now don't get me wrong, if you're in a season of rest, REST. If you're in a season of mourning, then give yourself time and space to mourn. But what I'm getting at is how we operate our seasons.

In the words of a friend of mine "in the endless pursuit of more, do not overlook or belittle what you've already been given". Further, in the frantic pursuit of the next or a desperation to find a grounding in the now, always remember what you already have.

If you're reading this then you are already living the dream of millions.

You are on the internet.

You are literate. 

If you have a healthy body, a healthy mind (even if there's days we feel otherwise) then you are blessed beyond measure already.

A grateful heart breeds joy. And an appreciation for where we are at whatever that season is, is a key component to beginning to find your purpose and discover your role in this world.

What are you thankful for today?

Over and out,

Cooper x

P.s. if you want a quick link to the blog/other cool links you can find Gumboots and Puddles on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/gumbootsandpuddles

Those a-ha moments (or those chances to be grateful)

Picture this.

It's a sunny day. The sun is streaming through the lounge. Your kittens are playing on the ground, tumbling over each other like WWF wrestlers having the time of their life. Your partner is on the couch getting excited over kite-surfing gear and the potential. You are sitting there absorbing the sun. Cinnamon buns are in the oven and the house smells deliciously edible. It's a pretty neat morning.

The other day, this was exactly what was happening in my house. I was, however, preoccupied. I think I was working, or thinking of work, or something similar. And then, the most interesting thing happened.

A song played.

Haha!

But in all seriousness, a song did play, and it changed how I witnessed that morning profoundly. Earlier that day, I had stumbled across my old, broken IPod. Surprisingly, when it was turned on, it worked again (it had previously died by water bath). Shocked, I thought it would be fun to play what was on the Ipod. 6 years on, I thought it would be interesting to see what was even on it. So, I put it on.

Now as I was sitting there, preoccupied, a song came on that I heard for the first time in 7th form. I remember the song so profoundly because I heard on soccer tournament when I was very injured, tired, sore and I had a lot of crap going on in my life at that time. It touched me this song, and became something I played for the rest of the next year as one thing after another kept occurring. From hospital visits to emotional dark places, this song was something I played constantly. To remind me of the fact that living life doesn't mean settling for no sunshine. (The song for those of you who are interested is: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4RCQYCqkf4).

This song came on that morning. And I was instantly transported back to the times where I listened to it - often feeling broken, afraid, hurt, torn, hopeless.

And when I listened to it, I looked around the room for the first time that morning, truly absorbing it. I realised that back in those times when I listened to that song, I never thought my life would look anything like this. I didn't realise that there was this amazing otherside waiting for me. And I realised and appreciated how incredibly blessed I am. And how grateful I am that the image of the life I had seen for myself is not what came to be. I wonder what life would look like if we took the time to dream life into those hopeless spaces. Gain a perspective that really can pull us through those dark times to remember our "a-ha" moments. Those moments when you look at your life and everything in it, and just think wow.

I mean, there's things my life is lacking (job security for one!!) but the fact of the matter is, my life is awesome. And bathed and bathed and bathed in sunshine. Some of you have asked for a look at the kittens, so I've put a snapshot of some of my cool moments lately. The kittens are Snow (for snow leopard) and Tigger. I'll let you guess which is which ;)

I guess the thing to remember is that the grass is only greener on the side that gets watered. Watered with gratitude. And love. And inspiration.

Are you watering yours?

Over and out,

Cooper x

Keeping your heart full

Hello.

And a Happy New Year!

I've been a little off the radar recently. I moved cities. I visited family and friends. I went to the beach. I got a (minimal) tan. I played a lot of pool volleyball. I got two kittens. I put my roots down and began to grow. I started a growing herb garden and a lemon tree, some lavenders and succulents. I learned how to make vegan brownies. I started my professionals course. I did assignments. I slept. I saw stars. I watched movies. And it. was. AWESOME. Busy, at times. But awesome.

But, to be honest,  in the midst of it, I still haven't quite got into routine. Into being settled. And, in true respect to my last post, that worried me. Because, I guess part of me just expected it to happen instantaneously.

Something like... I unpack, therefore it's home. I plant, therefore it grows. I show the kitties the litterbox, therefore my handbag is not a toliet. I slept, therefore I'm rested. I'm thankful, therefore I'm full.

Well, needless to say, life doesn't quite work like that. Life doesn't work in equations or instant moments. It's a path of progression. And recently, my path of progression has got me thinking.

What makes my heart full?

Before I answer that, I want to explain what I mean.

By definition, full means "containing or holding as much or as many as possible; having no empty space" or "not lacking or omitting anything; complete". As a noun, it can also mean "the period, point, or state of the greatest fullness or strength." What I mean by full heart is something in between. It is that place of strength where your heart is bursting, it is brimming with hope, love and laughter. It is thankful and joyous, and so full of life and its wonders that it almost bursts. It's contentment in a moment and expectation for the next. It's that feeling as though your heart is so overwhelmed with the beauty of everything life has to offer that you could not possibly feel anymore. It is a state of being I wish everyone would experience more of. And when I was so busy being caught up in forcing myself to relax or convince myself that I was settled and it was all sorted, I missed that. And that's why I started thinking, what am I missing?

It wasn't time. I had given myself some more of that. I mean, granted I was still busy, had things to do and deadlines to make. But I was consciously taking time out to feel grateful for Christmas, for New Year, for the support and love around me.

It wasn't rest. I mean, I think my body could probably always use more rest then I give it, but I was sleeping well, I gave myself some time off. I didn't push it and go for runs or exercise when my body didn't want to.

It wasn't love. I am surrounded by love. And supported so very well by so many amazing people who cherish and cheer for me everyday.

It wasn't things. I have everything I need and more. And, things aren't things we miss anyway.

It wasn't direction. Granted, I haven't quite sorted "the next step". But I've done that deliberately. And I have at least a years worth of study/loose ends to tie up/things to do career-wise and life wise.

So what was it?

Well. To be perfectly honest. It surprised me too.

It was listening.

I wasn't making an effort to listen to what was being shown to me. I wasn't actively looking at anything I was seeing. I was loving life, yes. But I wasn't giving myself room to truly connect with it.

Today I had an epiphany of sorts. I was waiting for the ferry and I was watching the boats come in and out. There was a child laughing with their grandfather and dancing with excitement at the day to come and the trip he was embarking on. There was this lady, so caught up in her frown that she looked as though the world was killing her. The extreme difference between the two reminded me of the importance of having child-like faith in this world. My Mum reminded me this morning that there is wonder in the really basic stuff. I thought at the time that she was so right, that I saw it. But I realised later that actually sometimes I don't. Sometimes I am far too absorbed in myself to realise that sometimes it is the blessing of witnessing moments of wonder - whether its by a child, by a beautiful landscape, by a song, by whatever you can think of - that witnessing is the blessings that can make your heart so full.

All along, there are moments in your day waiting to tell you something. We have take the time to listen to them. Sometimes it's listening for things outside of yourself that really show you what's inside of yourself that's missing. Mine was connection with the world as a whole. How amazing the whole place is outside of your safe zone and the people you already know and love. Those places are to be treasured, cherished and respected. But they do not exist to isolate you from the rest of the world. We are called to live in it. All of it. To be that transforming lenscap, if you like. To change the way that people see the moments they miss.

I'm grateful to my Mum today, for telling me something I needed to know. I'm grateful to the world and to God for showing me some of that basic and intense wonder. And I'm grateful to my heart, for being so very full.

There's a poem I want to share with you. It's one that I think encapsulates more of what I want to do. It's one that inspires me. (Though, I would change the last sentence to then you'll be human, my child - but that's what it means anyway, and that's just me being pedantic).

It's called 'If' and it's by Rudyard Kipling, but don't let that stop you.

And today, and everyday, keep listening. And please, let your heart be full.

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:

If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

---

Over and out,

Cooper x

When the time comes

Here's a (not so) secret for you...

I worry.

I worry. Alot.

Now when I say I worry, I mean, I literally had a freakout about all the things I had to do before moving next Friday. In the middle of night. To the point I had to get up and write a to-do list so I know it was all going to be sorted and I knew the plan.

So, in other words, I'm a control freak.

I LIKE knowing what the plan is. I LIKE having a plan. I LOVE being in control of that plan. And I STRUGGLE when things don't go to plan.

It's true.

Moving cities after 5 years, well, that doesn't always go to plan. There are things I forgot, things I've overlooked, things I'd rather do, an assignment I need to write, things. Things that take time.

Tonight I realised however, that sometimes I've been doing things the wrong way around.

Matthew 6:34 (MSG) says "God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes". When the time comes.

What a beautiful four word sentence.

I don't know what I'll do if... my migraines come back. I will. When the time comes.

I don't know what I'll do if... my dreams don't work out. I will. When the time comes.

I don't know what I'll do if... if... if. If what I'm worrying about comes to fruition I will deal with it. When the time comes.

But how often do we actually do that?

I know I can be TERRIBLE at it. Waiting to deal with things when the time comes? NO THANK YOU! I want to know every potential option of every potential circumstance and every potential outcome so that I'm prepared for how I could deal with EVERYTHING. yes, I said EVERYTHING.

When it's written down it sounds kind of ridiculous doesn't it?

But it's true.

I mean, to be fair, it's partially my job. Law school teaches you to look at every avenue and side and option and work within the framework. It's analytical, in some situations necessary, and in some ways, can be very helpful. But in others, it's fully and utterly disruptive. Draining. Unnecessary. I mean, really in most situations there is no way I would have thought of everything. And it would be arrogant if I thought I could. I haven't experienced everything yet. There will be somethings I just will be totally unaware of.

And yet, I still do it.

Max Lucado once wrote - "meet today's problems with today's strength". That really hit home for me tonight, when I was sitting in my room not wanting to pack, feeling tired and feeling a little overwhelmed by it all. I literally thought, well, I don't know what I'll do if I can't get it all packed tomorrow.... Well, I will. If or when the time comes.

Today's problem with today's strength is I'm tired, I've said some goodbyes and I rather get into bed with a cup of tea, a good book and cuddle my teddy bear. It's true. I'm not good with goodbyes or see you soons.

But me worrying and getting anxious over what is yet to pass... it's a waste of energy.

Don't get me wrong, it's GOOD to have a plan. It's GOOD to consider things. It's GOOD to think about things, to discuss them with people, to suss out your options. But that is a FAR cry from indulging the pit of panic in your stomach or thinking what if. 'What' and 'if' are innocent enough words, but put together they can be a recipe for disaster (or a chance to dream).

Tomorrow's problems will come tomorrow and today's are enough for today. It's a simple truth, and it's definitely one I'm still trying to learn. But for now... I'll deal with it when the time comes  ;P Besides,

And with that, it's time to dream.

Over and out,

Cooper.

P.s. if you want to stay updated with new posts: 

https://www.facebook.com/gumbootsandpuddles

Loving the season you are in.

It’s true. I LOVE this season. With a HUGE, MUSHY, EMBARRASING CAPITAL ‘L’. Summer. Christmas. Family. Home. Beaches. Seafood. Warm days. Long nights. Dancing in the moonlight. It is my most FAVOURITE TIME OF YEAR. By a long long shot. 

But -- This year is a bit different. Instead of being settled, I’m in transition. Instead of celebrating, I’m a bit nervous. And a bit scared. After five years, I’m moving back to Auckland. And there’s something about moving, about goodbyes and see you soons, about the idea that I’m moving through a different season of my life that, at times, feels a little unsettling.

Don’t get me wrong I’m EXCITED. I’ve worked so hard through university, my family is in Auckland, my main man is in Auckland (YUS for datenights that don’t involve skype haha), I’m getting a kitten (hello King George the Russian Blue), and I am starting to shift out of a paper-plate student mentality into a “omgosh I might actually be able to host things and buy flowers every now and then and take on the challenge of a macaroon tower, and actually invest in this whole becoming an adult thing”. It’s a wicked cool season to be in. But it got me thinking, aside from the Christmas season and the summer season, what season am I in?

I’m in transition. Sometimes I find that frustrating. I just want to be done with the transition and settled. On my path. Game plan initiated. Levelled up. You know the drill. I think we all sometimes flick in to the speed track game of life mentality where getting old is not to be celebrated, but the next major milestone is. I’m not going to lie to you, I google houses for sale. I pin articles about weddings (cough) and cute little family traditions on pinterest. I look at places I want to travel. And plants I want to grow. And while I think it is SO SO important to dream, I’m starting to also recognise the importance of loving where you are at. Even if it is in a chaotic uncertainty of long days meeting deadlines, nights packing, and feeling like you’re dog paddling in a bit of deep deep lake.

I guess I wanted to share this because I was thinking back to before I started uni (as you do when you’re finishing) and I remember how terrified I was. How exciting it was but how much it resembled standing on the high dive platform at the swimming pool and jumping out and hoping you made the decision to jump alright. For me, I was the only one of my friends to come to Wellington, and one of TWO from my year at school to come to Vic. Out of 450 people in my year, only one came here. And we were less than friends. To be honest. But as I think back over the last five years, I can honestly say I’m glad I came. I’ve had some major highs, and some terrible lows, but I honestly have no regrets. Why? Because every one of those moments has shaped me into who I am today. A little bit crazy, a lotta bit sentimental, and about to embark on an exciting move back to my hometown. 

I think as you leave part of your journey and embark on the next destination, it’s important to make peace with where you’ve come from, take a moment to embrace all who you are, and reflect on the season you are in. Even the quiet seasons, the transition seasons, the uncertain seasons and the can’t wait to just get on and do it seasons shape us in to who we are. Take a leaf from the book of the man upstairs and remember he’s doing life with you. I know sometimes I just need to stop, rest and remember that. The moment that is important is truly the one that’s right now. Whatever that looks like, no matter how scary or sad or bittersweet or incredibly magnificent and beautiful – it’s a moment to be thankful for. And my goodness I’m thankful. What a JOURNEY. What a MOMENT. What a SEASON. To finish, let me introduce (or reacquaint) you with one of my favourite songs EVER (which is saying something). It’s a Scots poem, for old times sake, and one of the most beautiful reflective pieces that really encapsulate everything for me. Take some time to listen and enjoy. I’m not gonna lie, it often makes me cry. It’s about beginnings and ends, celebration and going forward. It’s life. In all its painful and amazing moments. Enjoy. And remember:

Over and out, Cooper x

Celebrating 23 years of...... MOI

Ok so here's a wee secret for you...

TODAY is my 23rd BIRTHDAY! 23, as in the lowest prime number of consecutive numbers. 23, as in the number of discs in the human spine. 23, as in the amount of seconds it takes for blood to circulate around the body. 23, as in the number of times Julius Caesar was stabbed. 23, as in... oh my gosh I'm now most definitely a "20-something".

I dunno about you, but sometimes I find birthdays tough to celebrate. There's a few reasons for that. One, getting old is getting less and less exciting. Being an adult can be a bit tough sometimes. Two, my family had a bit of a breakdown around my 21st, and that remains a little painful. Three, I struggle having a day about me - I'd rather celebrate everyone and everything else!!

Now, in lieu of an identity crisis - think like this ---

--- I thought I'd take some time to really think about ME. The reason? I think we're in danger of identity theft. I think we sometimes forget to celebrate how unique and amazing and different we all are. We forget to own our true identity, and in whose image we were truly created. And sometimes, the best thing is to plant your feet firmly on the ground and celebrate you. So, in honour of my birthday, here are 23 things about me you might not have known.

1. Alexandra means defender of men. I think that's pretty cool.

2. I only like black jellybeans.

3. On the 21st of November 23 years ago, I couldn't decide if I wanted to be born so got stuck. Then I was born yellow and hairy from being early but with a pointed head from getting pulled out. I looked like a monkey. So far, I've lived up to the name.

4. My favourite place in the world is the Peter Pan statute in Hyde Park in London. It makes me remember to keep dreaming big.

5. I despise being cold. But I ALWAYS have cold hands.

6. It took me approximately 22 years to stop hating my feet. I now love jandals.

7. I LOVE water. Diving, windsurfing, swimming, sailing. The ocean is my home. Secretly, I'm trying to be a mermaid.

8. My eyes change colour. They stay with a base of blue but range in to green and grey also.

9. My favourite flowers is a mixed bouquet of sunflowers and red roses - romantic and happy.

10. I once played Nick Bottom in a Midsummers Night Dream. I had to sing while wearing a donkey's head. It was terrifying. For everyone.

11. I'm from Aucklnd. Don't hate it until you've sat on a beach and looked at Rangitoto. There's no place like it.

13. I love Christmas.  I make a gingerbread house every year. I think Christmas carols should be compulsory from my birthday onwards.

14. For me, a cup of tea (and a chocolate coated gingernut) can cure anything. Salt water is also a good cure - sweat, tears and the ocean. But tea is calmer.

15. I love board games. Games night is one of the coolest nights ever.

16. I've performed in the Sydney Opera House. And I still occasionally wish I had never given up music.

17. My favourite animal is a cotton top tamarin. And a dolphin. Who doesn't like dolphins. They can recognise themselves in a mirror. COOL!

18. I come with my own background music. Silence is overrated, and I have a playlist for EVERYTHING.

19. I believe with all my heart that a true love story never ends. But that love-in-action is something we should all commit to each and every day.

20. I often yell stay at non-living objects as though they will listen to me.

21. I'm an intellectual badass. Which is code for NERD ALERT. But I love learning, and I love my degree.

22. The first thing I do when I get home is make myself look as publicly unacceptable as possible. Manpants and animal socks, hollah!

23. My mission in life is to be a game-changer. To leave the world better than I found it and bless every opportunity I get. We get one chance to be God's advocates. And I want to make the world smile and realise how absolutely incredible each and every person is. That's my goal.

BOOMTOWN. That's me.  A little bit crazy, a lotta bit sentimental, and a teaspoon of random. Do you know who you are? Do you celebrate it? We're all fearfully and wonderfully made. If only we started realising it.

Over and out,

Cooper.

When it rains, sometimes it pours...

Wow. 

What. A. Month. 

Back in September I called it. I called the challenge to actively show gratitude every day for something. I put it out in the big wide world that I was on a mission to be thankful. But, I have to admit, I didn't do so well at times. In fact, sometimes I downright failed. 

To be fair, I had my reasons. From the end of September until the 13th November I was in and out of hospital more times than I can count. I visited theatre twice. I have some mean scars. It's a bit of a blur. And I have most definitely had my moments of handling it all terribly. And that makes me sad. The way we can let our circumstances be the only window we look out of. 

Sometimes I wonder what we'd see if we'd only look up.

But the coolest thing is, hope is always bigger than your circumstances. And those moments of feeling overwhelmed are fleeting. There is always a new season. And love is always bigger than your circumstances. Dancing in the rain is one of the biggest gifts we can have, and will always be one of the coolest moments. Because in that moment, life is pretty darn fantastic.

Now I've had some space to recover, to truly appreciate the value of rest, I've had some time to think. As we head into summer, I think we all tend to forget the rain, spend time laughing, spend time musing, and that's great. It's a season of rest. And I guess I just want to celebrate that. If you're not feeling rested, or you're in the middle of your storm, take heart. There's always a friendly face that will dance around a kitchen, sing in the rain, make you recognize the beauty of a moment. 

Enjoy the sunshine,

Over and out, 

Cooper.

Patient Love

I think one of the hardest things about life is learning to value yourself. To realize your identity and your true worth. I have yet to meet a person who hasn't had (or is having) a battle of self-worth or self-identity. Whether it is something someone spoke over them or whether it is something they have believed by themselves, the battle of belief in our value and beauty is a battle I truly believe we all share. 

I had the absolute privilege of helping some of the youth group cats get ready for the ball on Sunday. They looked incredible. And it got me thinking how amazing and beautiful and incredible we all are, in our own ways. 

It is hard to watch people scrutinize their reflection, pick out the flaws and lose themselves in their perceived imperfection. I do it too. Put me in front of a mirror and I guarantee the first thing I'll do will be to notice a flaw. But this practice - this habit - it undermines everything we are. 

To what and to whom are we measuring? 

Mirrors? 

Reflections?

Magazines?

Or an imported idea of normality?

Most people have seen the Dove Evolution; but the one that really blew my mind was the real time sketches (do check it out!). It is so so true. We spend so much time analysing. And guys, I think this applies to you, too. Whether its body image or whether its physical talents, we criticize ourselves to an undeniable extreme. If we could record our own internal dialogue, I think there are days where we would realize we shouldn't really be friends with ourselves.

I wonder how we would describe ourselves if we were in the sketches. 



I wonder what we'd say if we then found out that God was on the other side of the veil.




Do you recognize the true value of the person that you are? The person that faces you in the mirror? 


I know I'd be ashamed to speak the words of criticism I've recorded against myself in the past to anyone, let alone to the one who loves me beyond measure and created my very being.


Sometimes I think we all need to remember who we really are.  Sometimes it can be a daily battle where some days are easier than others. For me, on hard days, I used to place the verse "you are fearfully and wonderfully made" on my mirror. To remind myself of a standard that has already been met and a love that abounds through my spirit and my heart. Now, I look myself in the eye and tell myself that until I feel a peace in my soul. In my darkest days, or when I needed a reminder of all the love that's in  my life I would write patient:love on my wrist. To remind myself to be patient with myself. To love myself. And to demonstrate that patient love with all those around me.  

It takes 21 days to break a habit. So for October I'm calling it. For the entire month I'm going to find something I value in myself each day. And I am going to be thankful for it. And I am going to remember in whose image I was truly created.

Take heart and remember:

Over and out,

Cooper :)

Puddle Wonderful

“The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful.” E.E. Cummings

I spent an entire 2 hours musing today. Lost in my own thoughts and tripping through blogs, I realized a part of me that was missing. Missing writing. Missing the way words fall on to the page unhindered. The way they reveal your insides. In the realization that I am facing some big changes, I decided to open myself up to the blogging world. A tribute to my world. My memories. And the people that inspire me every day. 

So why call it Gumboots and Puddles?

Well that, my friends, is the question.

I'll let you in on a secret. I have a love-hate relationship with the rain. I love the way it cleanses.
The way it runs down a window and forces you to take a moment to relish in the internalness of life. Of self. Of mind. The way you can snuggle up by a fire, hot chocolate in hand and snuggling with a cat. Or lie in bed with it pouring on a tin roof and feel secure and safe in the crazy world.

And yet, I hate it. I hate the way it washes out colour, has a tinge of sadness, hinders plans, and touches that place in our internal soul that wants sunshine and mornings of glory. Charles Chaplin once said he likes walking in the rain because no one can see him crying. And I can definitely relate to that.

But splashing in puddles, dancing in the rain, playing pooh sticks. Those are moments of romance. Of life. Of being alive. In a snapshot, Gumboots and Puddles is about life. It's nonsensical musings about those moments in your red gumboots, jumping and dancing your way in the world in a romanticized and yet inherently grounded way. 

I wanted a place I could answer your questions. I wanted a place to think. To explore where I've been, what I've seen and what I still think I'm missing. So welcome. Welcome to the beginning of my confessions. I hope you want to be part of the journey :)

“And in this moment, like a swift intake of breath, the rain came.”
― Truman Capote, Other Voices, Other Rooms

Over and out,

Cooper.