For a lot of you, this will be old news, yesterdays paper, something to skim over. But for some of you it will be a teleporter - a way to jump from 2014 to 2016. It's crazy to think its been two years since I stopped writing this, and I'm sure there are so many stories that you all have to share. I certainly do.
Over the last two years I have:
- got a dog (I promise to introduce her properly later)
- finished a dissertation
- quit my job, and left law altogether
- done the equivalent of pre-med for chiropractic college
- got engaged!
- got very concussed getting into a car (long story)
- taken an indefinite pause on chiropractic college
- quit another job
- got married!!!!!; and
- rejoined the legal profession.
As you can see, it's been one rollercoaster and a number of roundabout turns as I tried to navigate my life and work out what the heck I'm doing here. See the thing is, I've always been super driven. And always lived with the idea that I want my life to mean something, that I'm going to make a difference, that I want to live a life full of passion and game changing moments..... and for some reason, that thought became absolutely paralysing. Terrifying and disheartening. And in a way that's still something I'm working through.
I left high school with the intention of going to law school and becoming a criminal lawyer and rights activist - think Elle Woods from Legally Blonde.... only better. And brunette. It was going to be amazing.
But reality had other plans. My student debt grew at a disgustingly fast rate. Law school was gruelling, student flats (and budget) sucked, I got very sick, had a whole lot of crap happen and suddenly life resembled more of a twisted Joker (from Batman) circus. But, I finished law school with one dissertation to do, and I took a wee break. I moved to Auckland, did my professionals, got an in-house corporate job that I hated and then did my dissertation and planned my exit route. Why? Well, corporate law is not my cup of tea. Never has been and in all honesty, probably won't be... although I've learned a valuable lesson about never ruling anything out. I was burned out, I was tired and I was OVER not feeling like anything I did in law made any sort of difference. I forgot to look up and realise that actually being an advocate is very powerful, it is lifechanging, and it can be the biggest gamechanger there is. Maybe I was in the wrong type of law to realise that, maybe I was just so tired of fighting life that fighting to work in an emotionally charged and exhausting area was the last thing I wanted to do, maybe I was just over every ounce of drama... regardless, I checked out. And I went out and found the next thing that felt like an avenue I could change the world.
So I started the journey to becoming a chiropractor. For those of you who don't know me, I am a massive chiropractor fan. I'll write another post on that another day so that I can give it the respect and time that it deserves, but a long story short - it has saved my life. And is a place where miracles can happen every single day. If you're not under care, do it. But I regress. I was studying again. The one eency weency problem is... I was over studying. And in all honesty, science is not something that floats my boat too much. I do it, I can even enjoy it a little bit, but I've never really been full blown passionate about it. Combine that with the fact that it would be 5 years of study, and I started doubting that course of action faster than you can say roadblock. In the midst of the doubt and feeling like a small boat in a large, stormy sea, I hit my head pretty bad. Was on my back for almost a month, don't remember a lot of it, but I lost my ability to communicate clearly over that time and it was one of the most frustrating and debilitating 4 months coming back. Nothing like an enforced time of rest to get you thinking again... and watching movies... and thinking back to law school and how I really didn't give it much of a chance...
And so I got a job. It's not the best of jobs. It's challenging, that's for sure. And it's not quite where I want to be. But it's a step in the right direction and I'm actively looking for something that fits slightly better. But its fired up a place in my soul for the underdog, for problem solving, and for those square pegs in the round holes, those legal issues that don't fit quite so nicely into the framework designed for them. And I guess, if anything, that's a great place to start. I'm not sure if I'll end back up in Chiro, I'm not sure if I'm truly cut out for this law thing, I'm not even sure I can get my work/life balance to a place that I like it. In all seriousness, I'm not sure if I really know anything about my life direction at all. But I do know this... procrastination is fear (Elizabeth Gilbert coined it first, but I'm endorsing the idea). And I, more than anyone have lived my life from a place of procrastination and fear far too long. So I'm making some steps.
It hasn't all been doom and gloom, by any means. I have the most amazing and supportive husband by my side who seriously lights up my life and grounds me in so many ways. I've had some amazing adventures and have a wonderful family and friends, and my furbabies are the bees knees... I love them. But I wanted to be honest about where I've been. That I have been fearstricken and confused and muddly in my head. That I've gone round and round in circles and placed too much emphasis on my career than perhaps I should have. But I guess the thing is... your life direction is important. What you do each day matters. So I wanted to start there. To explain that before I go anywhere else. Pretty much to admit.. I'm a massive work in progress. And I guess I got stuck writing the blog because I got stuck in this mindset that to write it, I needed to have it all together. Well, newsflash.... I don't. I really really don't. And you know what? That's kind of the point.
I guess I lost sight of the fact that the blog was an outlet for me, a way to connect with you all, and way to express and document all the thoughts I have buzzing around inside of me. And nowhere in those sentences requires a qualification in life expertise, or having it all together. So if you want to muddle along with me and jump in some puddles, I promise to try and update this blog a little more regularly. I've jumped in the deep end with this one to get you all back on the same page... but I've got a lot to show you... Athena, our wedding, my little home projects.... the cool and amazing things that have been going on. It's been a pretty amazing couple of years. Let's start some splashing, shall we?
