When the time comes

Here's a (not so) secret for you...

I worry.

I worry. Alot.

Now when I say I worry, I mean, I literally had a freakout about all the things I had to do before moving next Friday. In the middle of night. To the point I had to get up and write a to-do list so I know it was all going to be sorted and I knew the plan.

So, in other words, I'm a control freak.

I LIKE knowing what the plan is. I LIKE having a plan. I LOVE being in control of that plan. And I STRUGGLE when things don't go to plan.

It's true.

Moving cities after 5 years, well, that doesn't always go to plan. There are things I forgot, things I've overlooked, things I'd rather do, an assignment I need to write, things. Things that take time.

Tonight I realised however, that sometimes I've been doing things the wrong way around.

Matthew 6:34 (MSG) says "God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes". When the time comes.

What a beautiful four word sentence.

I don't know what I'll do if... my migraines come back. I will. When the time comes.

I don't know what I'll do if... my dreams don't work out. I will. When the time comes.

I don't know what I'll do if... if... if. If what I'm worrying about comes to fruition I will deal with it. When the time comes.

But how often do we actually do that?

I know I can be TERRIBLE at it. Waiting to deal with things when the time comes? NO THANK YOU! I want to know every potential option of every potential circumstance and every potential outcome so that I'm prepared for how I could deal with EVERYTHING. yes, I said EVERYTHING.

When it's written down it sounds kind of ridiculous doesn't it?

But it's true.

I mean, to be fair, it's partially my job. Law school teaches you to look at every avenue and side and option and work within the framework. It's analytical, in some situations necessary, and in some ways, can be very helpful. But in others, it's fully and utterly disruptive. Draining. Unnecessary. I mean, really in most situations there is no way I would have thought of everything. And it would be arrogant if I thought I could. I haven't experienced everything yet. There will be somethings I just will be totally unaware of.

And yet, I still do it.

Max Lucado once wrote - "meet today's problems with today's strength". That really hit home for me tonight, when I was sitting in my room not wanting to pack, feeling tired and feeling a little overwhelmed by it all. I literally thought, well, I don't know what I'll do if I can't get it all packed tomorrow.... Well, I will. If or when the time comes.

Today's problem with today's strength is I'm tired, I've said some goodbyes and I rather get into bed with a cup of tea, a good book and cuddle my teddy bear. It's true. I'm not good with goodbyes or see you soons.

But me worrying and getting anxious over what is yet to pass... it's a waste of energy.

Don't get me wrong, it's GOOD to have a plan. It's GOOD to consider things. It's GOOD to think about things, to discuss them with people, to suss out your options. But that is a FAR cry from indulging the pit of panic in your stomach or thinking what if. 'What' and 'if' are innocent enough words, but put together they can be a recipe for disaster (or a chance to dream).

Tomorrow's problems will come tomorrow and today's are enough for today. It's a simple truth, and it's definitely one I'm still trying to learn. But for now... I'll deal with it when the time comes  ;P Besides,

And with that, it's time to dream.

Over and out,

Cooper.

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Loving the season you are in.

It’s true. I LOVE this season. With a HUGE, MUSHY, EMBARRASING CAPITAL ‘L’. Summer. Christmas. Family. Home. Beaches. Seafood. Warm days. Long nights. Dancing in the moonlight. It is my most FAVOURITE TIME OF YEAR. By a long long shot. 

But -- This year is a bit different. Instead of being settled, I’m in transition. Instead of celebrating, I’m a bit nervous. And a bit scared. After five years, I’m moving back to Auckland. And there’s something about moving, about goodbyes and see you soons, about the idea that I’m moving through a different season of my life that, at times, feels a little unsettling.

Don’t get me wrong I’m EXCITED. I’ve worked so hard through university, my family is in Auckland, my main man is in Auckland (YUS for datenights that don’t involve skype haha), I’m getting a kitten (hello King George the Russian Blue), and I am starting to shift out of a paper-plate student mentality into a “omgosh I might actually be able to host things and buy flowers every now and then and take on the challenge of a macaroon tower, and actually invest in this whole becoming an adult thing”. It’s a wicked cool season to be in. But it got me thinking, aside from the Christmas season and the summer season, what season am I in?

I’m in transition. Sometimes I find that frustrating. I just want to be done with the transition and settled. On my path. Game plan initiated. Levelled up. You know the drill. I think we all sometimes flick in to the speed track game of life mentality where getting old is not to be celebrated, but the next major milestone is. I’m not going to lie to you, I google houses for sale. I pin articles about weddings (cough) and cute little family traditions on pinterest. I look at places I want to travel. And plants I want to grow. And while I think it is SO SO important to dream, I’m starting to also recognise the importance of loving where you are at. Even if it is in a chaotic uncertainty of long days meeting deadlines, nights packing, and feeling like you’re dog paddling in a bit of deep deep lake.

I guess I wanted to share this because I was thinking back to before I started uni (as you do when you’re finishing) and I remember how terrified I was. How exciting it was but how much it resembled standing on the high dive platform at the swimming pool and jumping out and hoping you made the decision to jump alright. For me, I was the only one of my friends to come to Wellington, and one of TWO from my year at school to come to Vic. Out of 450 people in my year, only one came here. And we were less than friends. To be honest. But as I think back over the last five years, I can honestly say I’m glad I came. I’ve had some major highs, and some terrible lows, but I honestly have no regrets. Why? Because every one of those moments has shaped me into who I am today. A little bit crazy, a lotta bit sentimental, and about to embark on an exciting move back to my hometown. 

I think as you leave part of your journey and embark on the next destination, it’s important to make peace with where you’ve come from, take a moment to embrace all who you are, and reflect on the season you are in. Even the quiet seasons, the transition seasons, the uncertain seasons and the can’t wait to just get on and do it seasons shape us in to who we are. Take a leaf from the book of the man upstairs and remember he’s doing life with you. I know sometimes I just need to stop, rest and remember that. The moment that is important is truly the one that’s right now. Whatever that looks like, no matter how scary or sad or bittersweet or incredibly magnificent and beautiful – it’s a moment to be thankful for. And my goodness I’m thankful. What a JOURNEY. What a MOMENT. What a SEASON. To finish, let me introduce (or reacquaint) you with one of my favourite songs EVER (which is saying something). It’s a Scots poem, for old times sake, and one of the most beautiful reflective pieces that really encapsulate everything for me. Take some time to listen and enjoy. I’m not gonna lie, it often makes me cry. It’s about beginnings and ends, celebration and going forward. It’s life. In all its painful and amazing moments. Enjoy. And remember:

Over and out, Cooper x

Celebrating 23 years of...... MOI

Ok so here's a wee secret for you...

TODAY is my 23rd BIRTHDAY! 23, as in the lowest prime number of consecutive numbers. 23, as in the number of discs in the human spine. 23, as in the amount of seconds it takes for blood to circulate around the body. 23, as in the number of times Julius Caesar was stabbed. 23, as in... oh my gosh I'm now most definitely a "20-something".

I dunno about you, but sometimes I find birthdays tough to celebrate. There's a few reasons for that. One, getting old is getting less and less exciting. Being an adult can be a bit tough sometimes. Two, my family had a bit of a breakdown around my 21st, and that remains a little painful. Three, I struggle having a day about me - I'd rather celebrate everyone and everything else!!

Now, in lieu of an identity crisis - think like this ---

--- I thought I'd take some time to really think about ME. The reason? I think we're in danger of identity theft. I think we sometimes forget to celebrate how unique and amazing and different we all are. We forget to own our true identity, and in whose image we were truly created. And sometimes, the best thing is to plant your feet firmly on the ground and celebrate you. So, in honour of my birthday, here are 23 things about me you might not have known.

1. Alexandra means defender of men. I think that's pretty cool.

2. I only like black jellybeans.

3. On the 21st of November 23 years ago, I couldn't decide if I wanted to be born so got stuck. Then I was born yellow and hairy from being early but with a pointed head from getting pulled out. I looked like a monkey. So far, I've lived up to the name.

4. My favourite place in the world is the Peter Pan statute in Hyde Park in London. It makes me remember to keep dreaming big.

5. I despise being cold. But I ALWAYS have cold hands.

6. It took me approximately 22 years to stop hating my feet. I now love jandals.

7. I LOVE water. Diving, windsurfing, swimming, sailing. The ocean is my home. Secretly, I'm trying to be a mermaid.

8. My eyes change colour. They stay with a base of blue but range in to green and grey also.

9. My favourite flowers is a mixed bouquet of sunflowers and red roses - romantic and happy.

10. I once played Nick Bottom in a Midsummers Night Dream. I had to sing while wearing a donkey's head. It was terrifying. For everyone.

11. I'm from Aucklnd. Don't hate it until you've sat on a beach and looked at Rangitoto. There's no place like it.

13. I love Christmas.  I make a gingerbread house every year. I think Christmas carols should be compulsory from my birthday onwards.

14. For me, a cup of tea (and a chocolate coated gingernut) can cure anything. Salt water is also a good cure - sweat, tears and the ocean. But tea is calmer.

15. I love board games. Games night is one of the coolest nights ever.

16. I've performed in the Sydney Opera House. And I still occasionally wish I had never given up music.

17. My favourite animal is a cotton top tamarin. And a dolphin. Who doesn't like dolphins. They can recognise themselves in a mirror. COOL!

18. I come with my own background music. Silence is overrated, and I have a playlist for EVERYTHING.

19. I believe with all my heart that a true love story never ends. But that love-in-action is something we should all commit to each and every day.

20. I often yell stay at non-living objects as though they will listen to me.

21. I'm an intellectual badass. Which is code for NERD ALERT. But I love learning, and I love my degree.

22. The first thing I do when I get home is make myself look as publicly unacceptable as possible. Manpants and animal socks, hollah!

23. My mission in life is to be a game-changer. To leave the world better than I found it and bless every opportunity I get. We get one chance to be God's advocates. And I want to make the world smile and realise how absolutely incredible each and every person is. That's my goal.

BOOMTOWN. That's me.  A little bit crazy, a lotta bit sentimental, and a teaspoon of random. Do you know who you are? Do you celebrate it? We're all fearfully and wonderfully made. If only we started realising it.

Over and out,

Cooper.

When it rains, sometimes it pours...

Wow. 

What. A. Month. 

Back in September I called it. I called the challenge to actively show gratitude every day for something. I put it out in the big wide world that I was on a mission to be thankful. But, I have to admit, I didn't do so well at times. In fact, sometimes I downright failed. 

To be fair, I had my reasons. From the end of September until the 13th November I was in and out of hospital more times than I can count. I visited theatre twice. I have some mean scars. It's a bit of a blur. And I have most definitely had my moments of handling it all terribly. And that makes me sad. The way we can let our circumstances be the only window we look out of. 

Sometimes I wonder what we'd see if we'd only look up.

But the coolest thing is, hope is always bigger than your circumstances. And those moments of feeling overwhelmed are fleeting. There is always a new season. And love is always bigger than your circumstances. Dancing in the rain is one of the biggest gifts we can have, and will always be one of the coolest moments. Because in that moment, life is pretty darn fantastic.

Now I've had some space to recover, to truly appreciate the value of rest, I've had some time to think. As we head into summer, I think we all tend to forget the rain, spend time laughing, spend time musing, and that's great. It's a season of rest. And I guess I just want to celebrate that. If you're not feeling rested, or you're in the middle of your storm, take heart. There's always a friendly face that will dance around a kitchen, sing in the rain, make you recognize the beauty of a moment. 

Enjoy the sunshine,

Over and out, 

Cooper.

Patient Love

I think one of the hardest things about life is learning to value yourself. To realize your identity and your true worth. I have yet to meet a person who hasn't had (or is having) a battle of self-worth or self-identity. Whether it is something someone spoke over them or whether it is something they have believed by themselves, the battle of belief in our value and beauty is a battle I truly believe we all share. 

I had the absolute privilege of helping some of the youth group cats get ready for the ball on Sunday. They looked incredible. And it got me thinking how amazing and beautiful and incredible we all are, in our own ways. 

It is hard to watch people scrutinize their reflection, pick out the flaws and lose themselves in their perceived imperfection. I do it too. Put me in front of a mirror and I guarantee the first thing I'll do will be to notice a flaw. But this practice - this habit - it undermines everything we are. 

To what and to whom are we measuring? 

Mirrors? 

Reflections?

Magazines?

Or an imported idea of normality?

Most people have seen the Dove Evolution; but the one that really blew my mind was the real time sketches (do check it out!). It is so so true. We spend so much time analysing. And guys, I think this applies to you, too. Whether its body image or whether its physical talents, we criticize ourselves to an undeniable extreme. If we could record our own internal dialogue, I think there are days where we would realize we shouldn't really be friends with ourselves.

I wonder how we would describe ourselves if we were in the sketches. 



I wonder what we'd say if we then found out that God was on the other side of the veil.




Do you recognize the true value of the person that you are? The person that faces you in the mirror? 


I know I'd be ashamed to speak the words of criticism I've recorded against myself in the past to anyone, let alone to the one who loves me beyond measure and created my very being.


Sometimes I think we all need to remember who we really are.  Sometimes it can be a daily battle where some days are easier than others. For me, on hard days, I used to place the verse "you are fearfully and wonderfully made" on my mirror. To remind myself of a standard that has already been met and a love that abounds through my spirit and my heart. Now, I look myself in the eye and tell myself that until I feel a peace in my soul. In my darkest days, or when I needed a reminder of all the love that's in  my life I would write patient:love on my wrist. To remind myself to be patient with myself. To love myself. And to demonstrate that patient love with all those around me.  

It takes 21 days to break a habit. So for October I'm calling it. For the entire month I'm going to find something I value in myself each day. And I am going to be thankful for it. And I am going to remember in whose image I was truly created.

Take heart and remember:

Over and out,

Cooper :)

Puddle Wonderful

“The world is mud-luscious and puddle-wonderful.” E.E. Cummings

I spent an entire 2 hours musing today. Lost in my own thoughts and tripping through blogs, I realized a part of me that was missing. Missing writing. Missing the way words fall on to the page unhindered. The way they reveal your insides. In the realization that I am facing some big changes, I decided to open myself up to the blogging world. A tribute to my world. My memories. And the people that inspire me every day. 

So why call it Gumboots and Puddles?

Well that, my friends, is the question.

I'll let you in on a secret. I have a love-hate relationship with the rain. I love the way it cleanses.
The way it runs down a window and forces you to take a moment to relish in the internalness of life. Of self. Of mind. The way you can snuggle up by a fire, hot chocolate in hand and snuggling with a cat. Or lie in bed with it pouring on a tin roof and feel secure and safe in the crazy world.

And yet, I hate it. I hate the way it washes out colour, has a tinge of sadness, hinders plans, and touches that place in our internal soul that wants sunshine and mornings of glory. Charles Chaplin once said he likes walking in the rain because no one can see him crying. And I can definitely relate to that.

But splashing in puddles, dancing in the rain, playing pooh sticks. Those are moments of romance. Of life. Of being alive. In a snapshot, Gumboots and Puddles is about life. It's nonsensical musings about those moments in your red gumboots, jumping and dancing your way in the world in a romanticized and yet inherently grounded way. 

I wanted a place I could answer your questions. I wanted a place to think. To explore where I've been, what I've seen and what I still think I'm missing. So welcome. Welcome to the beginning of my confessions. I hope you want to be part of the journey :)

“And in this moment, like a swift intake of breath, the rain came.”
― Truman Capote, Other Voices, Other Rooms

Over and out,

Cooper.