When the time comes

Here's a (not so) secret for you...

I worry.

I worry. Alot.

Now when I say I worry, I mean, I literally had a freakout about all the things I had to do before moving next Friday. In the middle of night. To the point I had to get up and write a to-do list so I know it was all going to be sorted and I knew the plan.

So, in other words, I'm a control freak.

I LIKE knowing what the plan is. I LIKE having a plan. I LOVE being in control of that plan. And I STRUGGLE when things don't go to plan.

It's true.

Moving cities after 5 years, well, that doesn't always go to plan. There are things I forgot, things I've overlooked, things I'd rather do, an assignment I need to write, things. Things that take time.

Tonight I realised however, that sometimes I've been doing things the wrong way around.

Matthew 6:34 (MSG) says "God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes". When the time comes.

What a beautiful four word sentence.

I don't know what I'll do if... my migraines come back. I will. When the time comes.

I don't know what I'll do if... my dreams don't work out. I will. When the time comes.

I don't know what I'll do if... if... if. If what I'm worrying about comes to fruition I will deal with it. When the time comes.

But how often do we actually do that?

I know I can be TERRIBLE at it. Waiting to deal with things when the time comes? NO THANK YOU! I want to know every potential option of every potential circumstance and every potential outcome so that I'm prepared for how I could deal with EVERYTHING. yes, I said EVERYTHING.

When it's written down it sounds kind of ridiculous doesn't it?

But it's true.

I mean, to be fair, it's partially my job. Law school teaches you to look at every avenue and side and option and work within the framework. It's analytical, in some situations necessary, and in some ways, can be very helpful. But in others, it's fully and utterly disruptive. Draining. Unnecessary. I mean, really in most situations there is no way I would have thought of everything. And it would be arrogant if I thought I could. I haven't experienced everything yet. There will be somethings I just will be totally unaware of.

And yet, I still do it.

Max Lucado once wrote - "meet today's problems with today's strength". That really hit home for me tonight, when I was sitting in my room not wanting to pack, feeling tired and feeling a little overwhelmed by it all. I literally thought, well, I don't know what I'll do if I can't get it all packed tomorrow.... Well, I will. If or when the time comes.

Today's problem with today's strength is I'm tired, I've said some goodbyes and I rather get into bed with a cup of tea, a good book and cuddle my teddy bear. It's true. I'm not good with goodbyes or see you soons.

But me worrying and getting anxious over what is yet to pass... it's a waste of energy.

Don't get me wrong, it's GOOD to have a plan. It's GOOD to consider things. It's GOOD to think about things, to discuss them with people, to suss out your options. But that is a FAR cry from indulging the pit of panic in your stomach or thinking what if. 'What' and 'if' are innocent enough words, but put together they can be a recipe for disaster (or a chance to dream).

Tomorrow's problems will come tomorrow and today's are enough for today. It's a simple truth, and it's definitely one I'm still trying to learn. But for now... I'll deal with it when the time comes  ;P Besides,

And with that, it's time to dream.

Over and out,

Cooper.

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Loving the season you are in.

It’s true. I LOVE this season. With a HUGE, MUSHY, EMBARRASING CAPITAL ‘L’. Summer. Christmas. Family. Home. Beaches. Seafood. Warm days. Long nights. Dancing in the moonlight. It is my most FAVOURITE TIME OF YEAR. By a long long shot. 

But -- This year is a bit different. Instead of being settled, I’m in transition. Instead of celebrating, I’m a bit nervous. And a bit scared. After five years, I’m moving back to Auckland. And there’s something about moving, about goodbyes and see you soons, about the idea that I’m moving through a different season of my life that, at times, feels a little unsettling.

Don’t get me wrong I’m EXCITED. I’ve worked so hard through university, my family is in Auckland, my main man is in Auckland (YUS for datenights that don’t involve skype haha), I’m getting a kitten (hello King George the Russian Blue), and I am starting to shift out of a paper-plate student mentality into a “omgosh I might actually be able to host things and buy flowers every now and then and take on the challenge of a macaroon tower, and actually invest in this whole becoming an adult thing”. It’s a wicked cool season to be in. But it got me thinking, aside from the Christmas season and the summer season, what season am I in?

I’m in transition. Sometimes I find that frustrating. I just want to be done with the transition and settled. On my path. Game plan initiated. Levelled up. You know the drill. I think we all sometimes flick in to the speed track game of life mentality where getting old is not to be celebrated, but the next major milestone is. I’m not going to lie to you, I google houses for sale. I pin articles about weddings (cough) and cute little family traditions on pinterest. I look at places I want to travel. And plants I want to grow. And while I think it is SO SO important to dream, I’m starting to also recognise the importance of loving where you are at. Even if it is in a chaotic uncertainty of long days meeting deadlines, nights packing, and feeling like you’re dog paddling in a bit of deep deep lake.

I guess I wanted to share this because I was thinking back to before I started uni (as you do when you’re finishing) and I remember how terrified I was. How exciting it was but how much it resembled standing on the high dive platform at the swimming pool and jumping out and hoping you made the decision to jump alright. For me, I was the only one of my friends to come to Wellington, and one of TWO from my year at school to come to Vic. Out of 450 people in my year, only one came here. And we were less than friends. To be honest. But as I think back over the last five years, I can honestly say I’m glad I came. I’ve had some major highs, and some terrible lows, but I honestly have no regrets. Why? Because every one of those moments has shaped me into who I am today. A little bit crazy, a lotta bit sentimental, and about to embark on an exciting move back to my hometown. 

I think as you leave part of your journey and embark on the next destination, it’s important to make peace with where you’ve come from, take a moment to embrace all who you are, and reflect on the season you are in. Even the quiet seasons, the transition seasons, the uncertain seasons and the can’t wait to just get on and do it seasons shape us in to who we are. Take a leaf from the book of the man upstairs and remember he’s doing life with you. I know sometimes I just need to stop, rest and remember that. The moment that is important is truly the one that’s right now. Whatever that looks like, no matter how scary or sad or bittersweet or incredibly magnificent and beautiful – it’s a moment to be thankful for. And my goodness I’m thankful. What a JOURNEY. What a MOMENT. What a SEASON. To finish, let me introduce (or reacquaint) you with one of my favourite songs EVER (which is saying something). It’s a Scots poem, for old times sake, and one of the most beautiful reflective pieces that really encapsulate everything for me. Take some time to listen and enjoy. I’m not gonna lie, it often makes me cry. It’s about beginnings and ends, celebration and going forward. It’s life. In all its painful and amazing moments. Enjoy. And remember:

Over and out, Cooper x