I worry.
I worry. Alot.
Now when I say I worry, I mean, I literally had a freakout about all the things I had to do before moving next Friday. In the middle of night. To the point I had to get up and write a to-do list so I know it was all going to be sorted and I knew the plan.
So, in other words, I'm a control freak.
I LIKE knowing what the plan is. I LIKE having a plan. I LOVE being in control of that plan. And I STRUGGLE when things don't go to plan.
It's true.
Moving cities after 5 years, well, that doesn't always go to plan. There are things I forgot, things I've overlooked, things I'd rather do, an assignment I need to write, things. Things that take time.
Tonight I realised however, that sometimes I've been doing things the wrong way around.
Matthew 6:34 (MSG) says "God will help you deal with whatever hard things come up when the time comes". When the time comes.
What a beautiful four word sentence.
I don't know what I'll do if... my migraines come back. I will. When the time comes.
I don't know what I'll do if... my dreams don't work out. I will. When the time comes.
I don't know what I'll do if... if... if. If what I'm worrying about comes to fruition I will deal with it. When the time comes.
But how often do we actually do that?
I know I can be TERRIBLE at it. Waiting to deal with things when the time comes? NO THANK YOU! I want to know every potential option of every potential circumstance and every potential outcome so that I'm prepared for how I could deal with EVERYTHING. yes, I said EVERYTHING.
When it's written down it sounds kind of ridiculous doesn't it?
But it's true.
I mean, to be fair, it's partially my job. Law school teaches you to look at every avenue and side and option and work within the framework. It's analytical, in some situations necessary, and in some ways, can be very helpful. But in others, it's fully and utterly disruptive. Draining. Unnecessary. I mean, really in most situations there is no way I would have thought of everything. And it would be arrogant if I thought I could. I haven't experienced everything yet. There will be somethings I just will be totally unaware of.
And yet, I still do it.
Max Lucado once wrote - "meet today's problems with today's strength". That really hit home for me tonight, when I was sitting in my room not wanting to pack, feeling tired and feeling a little overwhelmed by it all. I literally thought, well, I don't know what I'll do if I can't get it all packed tomorrow.... Well, I will. If or when the time comes.
Today's problem with today's strength is I'm tired, I've said some goodbyes and I rather get into bed with a cup of tea, a good book and cuddle my teddy bear. It's true. I'm not good with goodbyes or see you soons.
But me worrying and getting anxious over what is yet to pass... it's a waste of energy.
Don't get me wrong, it's GOOD to have a plan. It's GOOD to consider things. It's GOOD to think about things, to discuss them with people, to suss out your options. But that is a FAR cry from indulging the pit of panic in your stomach or thinking what if. 'What' and 'if' are innocent enough words, but put together they can be a recipe for disaster (or a chance to dream).
Tomorrow's problems will come tomorrow and today's are enough for today. It's a simple truth, and it's definitely one I'm still trying to learn. But for now... I'll deal with it when the time comes ;P Besides,
And with that, it's time to dream.
Over and out,
Cooper.
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